Friday, September 25, 2009

Compatibility and a little Pre-Marital Advice

Many believe that compatibility will bring martial happiness. Some believe that if you find someone, "the one" then you will of found happiness. Many people search for just that right person to marry that perhaps enjoys the same interests or hobbies with them. Yet unfortunately when problems arise this will not bring much happiness to either parties. "...a good marriage is not something you find, it’s something you work for (Thomas, 2000, 133)." There is a lot of suffering in life and in marriage that will occur. Perhaps compatibility is important but there is much more to the meaning of the word than what sports or activities one is involved in. Marriage is a good amount of work that takes time. So although being compatible is a positive additive it is not what makes of a good marriage. It takes the compatibility of how spouses will respond in bad situations or in suffering. This sense of compatibility will grow a marriage in the right direction to find happiness or at least holiness. Happiness in itself is also what most seek out of marriage. Many couples find that they are happy with each other so they take the next step of marriage. Although happiness is a good quality to find in a relationship it does not necessarily bring up a good marriage. Suffering also tests the happy couple to find true authentic feelings that are in the marriage. "If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy an infatuation and make me ‘happy,’ then I’d have to get a ‘new’ marriage every two or three years (Thomas, 2000, 23)." Happiness is not the purpose of marriage just as finding someone who likes all the same interests is not as well. The purpose is glorify God in your marriage which will call each spouse to learn from their own marital relationship.

The compatibilities most important to look for in marriage would have to begin with God firstly. It would be important to share the same faith and any morals that would come from that faith. It would be crucial to learn about what the faith looks like in the other's life. It would be important to know how they see their God and how He would effect their daily life for example what their relationship with God or faith looks like. The second important compatibility to look for would be in regard to how each person thinks or sees marriage. What would their relationship look like in a realistic marital situation. The last crucial recommendation would have to be compatible to a point in how each future spouse looks at suffering. It is so important to know how the other will respond to problems or arguments that will arise. If able to find someone that sees suffering in a helpful and healthy manner, as well as ideally could encourage the other to grow through the suffering this would be ideal. In the best scenario of course this would include Christ and His help and influence to be ever present in the lives of the future married couple. I believe that these characteristics would be super helpful in marriage and something to look for in terms of compatibility. If one or more of these crucial things were missing I would say that sort of incompatibility would truly handicap a relationship to find a kind of suffering that will not be endured well. I believe the compatibility of things such as shared interested, activities, hobbies, sports and more is never a bad thing to find in another person, but is certainly not the key to finding happiness in marriage. The characteristics of who the person really is inside and out truly demonstrates what kind of relationship and marriage the couple will have to live through.

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